


The shove

by Blu3b1rd



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-02 01:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17255417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blu3b1rd/pseuds/Blu3b1rd
Summary: The day started bad for both Jeremy who was plagued with a backache, and James who woken up to a cluster migraine. They bicker all day with Richard failing to referee and when they get home things get heated between the two older hosts to which Hammond suffers the consequences.“Jeremy’s raised fist never hit its intended target, instead it connected solidly with Hammonds delicate jaw...”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updated 1/3/18: fixed all the typos and odd grammatical moments I could spot on a second read. =] thanks!
> 
> Hello all, thanks to anyone reading my ramblings! This is just a random thought out in writing, I always worry about how small Hammond is compared to his two co-host. What if he got in their way during an argument?
> 
> Please let me know how I could improve =]

Jeremy and James had been bickering all day, biting at each other verbally over just about anything. James had woken up with a cluster headache and Jeremy with a backache and it had set both of them on edge from minute one that day. 

They’d just gotten to Jeremy’s house from their crummy day at work, their schedules tight they were staying there temporarily.

They hadn’t even taken their coats off before the two had started up again, continuing their argument from the car ride. 

As the youngest member of their group watched the two older members fight he felt small and unnecessary. 

They’d never gotten so heated before in all their years together and Richard was getting more and more upset as he witnessed their arguments escalate, unable to referee. He’d been trying all day to distract, interfere or soothe the other two but everytime he tried they just turned on him or flat out ignored him, raising their voices over his and refusing to acknowledge him.

As things progressed the words being said between the two became harsher and more personally cutting. The topic of their arguments nothing even relevant to the day, but their intent at this point was to hurt each other. And watching it both scared him and tore his heart into two, breaking it. 

Now Richards eyes blurred as once again his pleas for them to stop went unheard as they wandered through the house with raised voices speaking over him, fingers pointing and hands smacking each other’s away.

Richard followed them, listening to Jeremy in the living room as older man rounded on James for the millionth time that day. 

“Please, please stop! What’s it going to take?”   
Richard pleaded desperately but no one answered him, instead Jeremy kept right on with his tirade.

“Oh well, we can’t alllll be as smart as ‘Captain Intelligence’ can we? Some of us are forced to bow down as lesser beings are we then May?!” Jeremy yelled obnoxiously.

Coming close to him Richard reached a hand out to James, trying to cut off his reaction to Jeremy’s button pushing attempts. 

As soon as his mouth opened to interject he was stopped instantly, his seeking hand slapped away sharply by James’s. 

“Shut up Hammond!!” James yelled at him clutching his aching head with his other hand absently before turning back to Jeremy. 

He’d been unaware of how hard he’d really hit Hammond, the hurt look on his face, tears in his eyes, or how much angrier it’d made Jeremy.

“And you! You ARE fucking dumb Jeremy, there’s a reason no one lets you make any important decisions, we all know you’ll ruin anything you touch! A fucking dumb ape!”   
James spits out at Jeremy seethingly.

Jeremy shakes as he clenches his coat in his hands before throwing it across the living room in frustration, breaking the floor lamp in the process and leaving the living room dark aside from the side table’s dim light.  
“Another brilliant decision by Clarkson!” James awards smugly in the darkened room.

“At least I’m able to MAKE decisions May! That’s your problem, you’re weak and terrified of making a commitment or a decision!” Jeremy rounds on him.  
“That’s why you puuuuuurrrr when things are OCDly perfect. It’s all planned and nothing changes, nothing to be afraid of, no chances of failing!” 

Waving his arm dramatically Jeremy stepped into James’s personal space and said coldly   
“That’s why you’re not a leader James, you have no faith in yourself. Accurate actually! And you have, correct again I might add, no self respect.”

James stepped forward to close the space and shoved him violently and quite hard, taking the older man by surprise. The action so far out of the quieter man’s character that Jeremy wasn’t ready for it and stumbled back a few steps awkwardly.

In the darkness of the living room Jeremy’s face was hidden in the shadows. In the past they’d seen him get into many fights triggered by far less aggressive actions.

Richard stepped forward and reached out intended on separating them, “Hey! Common you tw-“ but he was cut off as James leaned in and sneered at Jeremy. 

“Fuck you Clarkson, you’re fucking worthless.” 

Nerves and temper frayed and at their end, Jeremy sees red and reacts without thinking, an act he always regret, and raises his fist against May for the first ever to strike with a hard, closed fist.

The blow that was intended for James however never lands on him, instead it’s full force is taken by Hammond who had shoved himself in between them seeing Jeremy’s arm raise and refusing to stand aside stepped perfectly into its path.

The punch from the larger man, fueled by the misery of being in pain all day, anger and hurt hadn’t been pulled in anyway and struck the smaller man violently cross the face and temple.

There was harsh cracking noise as his fist connected solidly with Richard’s delicate flesh, this was followed by a cry from Richard drowning out a gasp from James. 

He fell to the ground hard, landing on his side and even sliding a bit on the hardwood, his body still at first before it started shaking as he moved to sit up.

Jeremy’s red vision instantly faded, albeit far too late. He now gasped in horror at his own action and reached for Richard in the darkness who’s quick breaths sounded suspiciously like he was suddenly crying. 

“Oh god Hammo, I didn’t mean to! I-, I’m sorry I didn’t mean-, James he-“ Jeremy tried to say shakingly.

He reached for Richard the smaller man jerked away from him, scrambling back a few feet into the hall breath hitching.

When he raised his shaking brown eyes to look at Jeremy he and James both saw his lip was split, his temple and eye were red and he was indeed crying now. 

“Richard please, I’m sorry we won’t fight, he didn’t mean-”  
As he spoke James quickly stepped forward to crouch down but Hammond shook his head and shuffled away again and James was cut off by Richard as he screamed in an almost panicked tone.

“Don’t!” 

His voice was thick with emotions, his hard breathing echoed throughout the now silent house.

He bit his broken lip and they could see now that he was just as upset as they had been, but for completely different reasons.

Jeremy, ignoring his mates words, tried to reach for him again in an attempt to comfort him.

But what happened next broke his heart, Richard flinched violently and covered his face with his arm, a small whimper escaping his bleeding mouth. 

By his reaction it was clear, he’d expected Jeremy to hit him again.

“Oh gods Richard, sweetheart I would never..I didn’t-“ Jeremy tried, his own voice choking but before the he or James knew what had happened Richard had scrambled to his feet and was out the door. 

His bike keys always on him, they knew he was gone when they heard the bike revving down the road, his helmet still on the coat rack.

Head hung Jeremy’s heart clenched and he was rooted to the spot where he’d done one of the most terrible things in his life and wronged the two people that meant the most to him. Broken he sat unable to chase after one and unable to raise his eyes to look at the other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hammond’s face was throbbing, as cold rain pelting it without remorse. He bit his split lip again to try to stifle another body wracking sob but it kept cracking open stinging the matching cut on the inside of his cheek.  
> He drove almost blindly down the road on his bike, his tears mixing with the rain as he berated himself, his thoughts and feelings as turmotulous as the weather.”

Hammond’s face was throbbing, as cold rain pelting it without remorse. He bit his split lip again to try to stifle another body wracking sob but it kept cracking open stinging the matching cut on the inside of his cheek.   
He drove almost blindly down the road on his bike, his tears mixing with the rain as he berated himself, his thoughts and emotions as turmotulous as the weather.

“You deserved that Hammond, you did…” he said to himself between hitching, “You did..” wracking breaths, “You did..” 

The days events and...the incident that had just happened were replaying in his mind's eye, causing him to cry harder and the bike to sway as he rode. 

Every nasty statement, every sneer, every hurtful moment between the two of his friends had felt like it had also been directed at him. Not for the words themselves, but for how hurtfully they’d ignored him and his attempts to make amends between the two of them. 

“Shut up Hammond!” James’s angry words rang through his head. 

All day he’d been told to “Shut up!”  
“Sod off Richard!”  
“No one’s talk to you, piss off!”

One time he’d tried he’d been told by James   
“Mind your own Hammond, unless you’d LIKE me to have a go at you as well.” He’d been shocked at the words but even more so when Jeremy had followed with the statement “Yes Richard, unless you’re so starved for attention that’d you’d enjoy the abuse, shut up and stop budding in when you’re not asked!”

Even then as he’d shied away from them and their hurtful words, in his mind somehow he’d blamed himself for their reaction then as he did now. 

He knew them, knew that maybe he should’ve approached them differently, knew that they didn’t really mean what they were saying, even if they didn’t. 

So wasn’t it his duty to stop them?   
To protect them the only way he could….from themselves, and their own words he knew they’d regret? 

But that came at the cost of him being annoying, interfering, whiny..and...whatever he’d been to have been hit…

So he must have deserved to...to be hit didn’t he? 

“You did.” He reminded himself.

He remembered earlier, in the darkness of the living room, he'd heard James’s words “Fuck you Clarkson, you’re fucking worthless.” And known that’d be it.

He’d moved quickly intending only to prevent another, much rougher shove from Jeremy, he’d never thought that he’d actually try to physically HIT James…. he never thought Jeremy would actually have ever raised a hand towards any of them..

There was no way that Jeremy had heard how hurt James’s voice had been when he’d called Jeremy worthless, more hurt than it’d sounded all day, his heart cut deep by Jeremy’s stinging words. Richard had known that Jeremy would react, just not how.

But he’d hit him, and hard enough that it really had hurt Richard. 

He wasn’t new to fighting, he’d been punched a few times and had thrown a few good ones of his own, despite his petite stature. But he’d been unguarded, and the force from the blow from the much larger, older man had sent him down and left him dazed, confused and frightened. As he’d tried to raise himself he’d started shaking, from the blow as well as the shock of it. Part of him couldn’t believe what had just happened and he’d struggled to process it. 

But other part of him knew in that moment somehow, he felt like he’d deserved that blow from Jeremy. 

And in that moment when James had reached for him he was sure it was to follow up or finish Jeremy’s work. 

Richard had instantly felt terrified, that they’d finally had enough of him and this would be it.

Enough of his whining, his squeaking, his small voice and stature nagging them, his constantly happy presence overwhelming.

He tried his best to steel his voice warningly, strongly without shamefully crying he yelled “Don’t!” 

But it had only angered Jeremy it seemed to him then.

He’d reached for him and Richard had known no warning would stop him, he’d been trying all day and night to use words to calm them, to reach them….and so he’d covered his face and waited for another hard hit from one of his best friends.

Another blow to put him back in his place that’d he must have forgotten.

But it never came.

When nothing happened he’d raised his eyes, expecting either of them to jump him at any moment.

But the larger man was still, both he and James both had been frozen. 

Mind blind with pain and fear he’d seen an out in that moment and taken it.  
Panicked, afraid and beyond upset he’d ran, ran for the door, ran for his parked bike they’d been working on for months and ran to somewhere else. 

Somewhere safe.

Now as he drove through the rain he wasn’t sure where that was anymore, he’d only known two places for so long.

Unfortunately for Richard, or fortunately given his scarce ability to keep the bike straight, Murphy’s law struck the bike had sputtered and broken down not more than 20 miles away from the house. Shaking from the cold and shock he managed to coast the bike to a stop. With what little strength he had left he pushed the bike to the edge of the road and then sat down against its center stand.  
Adrenaline fading and properly soaked with no shelter in site Hammond sat in the rain and let himself fully breakdown. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them in and attempt to comfort and warm himself. 

His hand came up to the damaged, throbbing area of his face and his mind flashed with an image of Jeremy laughing overlapped with that of this evening, eyes burning with hurt and blind with anger. 

Holding his aching face he sobbed into his hands as he sat in the darkness of the rural road, the storm raging over and within him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For lil_aussie_girl =]


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jeremy couldn’t bring himself to look at James. Instead he brought his now aching hand to his chest and held his breath for what felt like an eternity, waiting for James to… he wasn’t sure but he knew he had it coming and wanted it to happen. 
> 
> In the silence James sighed, his own breath sounding thick and Jeremy heard him move decisively as he reached for him and it was Jeremy's turn to violently flinch as James grabbed his arm firmly to turn him to face him."

Jeremy was frozen, guilt and self loathing coursing through him. One hand still held out to the open space that Richard had occupied moments ago. The same hand that throbbed in time with his racing pulse, that had struck Richard, that had hurt him and drawn blood.

As he let his hand fall he was vaguely aware that to his right James had moved and was suddenly crouched next to him silently. 

Jeremy couldn’t bring himself to look at him. Instead he brought his now aching hand to his chest and held his breath for what felt like an eternity waiting for James to… he wasn’t sure but he knew he had it coming and wanted it to happen. 

In the silence James sighed, his own breath sounding thick and Jeremy heard him move decisively as he reached for him and it was Jeremy's turn to violently flinch as James grabbed his arm firmly to turn him to face him. 

But he didn’t pumble him as he’d expected from the man, his friend whom he’d punished and pushed all day with verbal abuse.

Instead as Jeremy held his eyes shut tight in anticipation he heard the soft, angsted endearment of “Oh Jezza.…you idiot..” from James before he roughly pulled Jeremy into a hug.

Jeremy stiffened, stricken by the act as he was held tightly by James, an act of forgiveness and kindness. There on the hardwood floor where he’d tried to hurt him, he was the last person he’d thought he’d receive comfort from.  
But still, James held him now letting down his own barrier of personal space, because he knew his friend needed it. And after what he’d said and had intended to do...and then what he’d done instead…

 

Jeremy began to shake as the full repercussions of his actions, hammered home by the front door swinging open in the wind, left ajar by Richard as he’d fled and the shaking anchor that held onto him.

“Oh god James, oh god what have I done? I hit him, I hit him...” He whispered brokenly to him, “I’m so sorry James, I’m so sorry..I hit h-” 

“Shhhhh Jezza, I know...” James interrupted Jeremy and just continued holding him tighter as Jeremy began to shake terribly. 

“This was my fault, I knew you’ve been in pain and I’ve been using you as a scapegoat for my own pain all day.” James said in a low, flat tone.  
Jeremy heard his breath hitch uncomfortably and he knew James as trying to stifle his own emotions. “I’m so sorry Jezz for everything I said, for shoving you, I should never had laid my hands on you, I know that hurt. We have to stop this, stop using each other as an easy valve for our issues. Everytime he tries to help us we push him away….”   
He pauses and swallowed thickly before continuing.

“Hammond..he’s always there trying to stop us fighting....I hurt him as well, I didn’t mean to hurt his hand, I couldn’t think straight and he...” James trailed off, he knew as Jeremy did that there was never a justification. They had never raised a hand to each other...thought they would never, so he ended with a quiet.

“You hurt him?…I....his face James….then...he was genuinely afraid of me…Don’t you dare try to take the responsibility for this.”   
Jeremy said in a broken, aged voice.  
James could say nothing, he was right.  
He did feel as though he’d was to blame, and while he hoped it wasn’t permanent he had seen the fear in Richard’s eyes too.

He’d started it, and he’d seen the look he’d been given from Richard. What Jeremy didn’t know was that when he’d eyed James, he’d been just as scared of him as he’d been of Jeremy. 

James opened his mouth to try to object and tell him but Jeremy interrupted haltingly.  
“No this was me, I’m sorry....James I was going to.. I lost control and I’ve been abusive to you...I’m...James you didn’t and don’t deserve that….ever....” Jeremy ended heavily.

Yes, James had angered him so, but he’d only done so because Jeremy had pushed him so far.   
He hated himself, hated his size, his strength and his uncontrollable temper, his white hot tongue that spit insults so freely. 

He’d lost control of himself and struck out at James blindly not seeing so felt as Hammond as his fist connect.   
Then he’d seen the fear on Hammond’s face, so afraid that Jeremy was about to hit him again and he'd felt disgusted with himself. There's been only one other time he’d been so emotionally hurt, so angry that he’d lost it and lashed out and it had costed him his job, and almost his two best friends in the process. 

After a few moment James interrupted the silence again. “I know Jeremy...I’m so sorry too...All day, we’ve been absolutely terrible, to each other but..especially to Richard..” He said quietly as he held Jeremy.   
“We need to find him and fix this, it’s terrible out there and that bike is a death trap.”  
James then said worryingly and pressed a soft kiss to Jeremy’s temple, a old gesture of fondness before moving to stand and pulling the larger man with him.  
James knew he’d have to find Richard, and quick, he’d been so hurt and upset…. 

 

With the storm outside truly committed to being a testament to their night, James was getting increasingly worried. With each distant thunder clap his anxiety spiked and in the night he heard what he thought might be a siren. As the sounds of lightning became less and less distant his mind filled with images of a broken bike and rider lid out in the rain. 

James took a sharp breath and clamped down on his emotions and imagination. He shoved them down brutally and forced himself to be distant from the situation, closed off and more controlled was an easy place to be right now then emotional if they were going to find Richard.

As Jeremy stood up James saw that he was very much in shock, when James met his gaze his blue eyes were full shame and too timid to meet his. James felt his emotions try to resurface only to be packed back down without mercy. He knew that Jeremy would only be so much help until this had been resolved and he would have to the one right now to make sure that happened. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he allowed himself to open that door even slightly, if he did he knew that he’d be the one frozen and unable to function. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t have emotions, today had shown that…. As much as Jeremy thought he couldn’t control his emotions it was actually James that was sure he couldn’t control his own. While Jeremy had always been at odds with his, James had never been able to process, to cope or handle the natural way that Jeremy and Richard did. His capacity was too small, the emotions he experienced were too deep for him to be able to exist with and maintain self control. 

So instead he moved with purpose and pulling out his phone dialed Richard’s cell only to hear it buzz on the counter. He hung up and left Jeremy in the hall to retrieved the coat from the living room that had been thrown earlier.  
He grabbed it, shook both the glass off the coat from the lamp, shook his head to push back the memory of when it’d been thrown and brought it back to Jeremy who paused before taking it with shaking hands. 

James then grabbed the keys to his car and had to lead Jeremy out of the house by the arm and into the driveway before he started moving without being prompted. 

As they walked the short distance to the carport they heard a flurry of ambulance sirens wails and from a few miles down the road, the way Richard had gone, and both of their hearts dropped.

‘Richard!’ James’s mind screamed as he heard it, all rational thoughts that it could be anyone fleeting, but again he tried to shove any emotions down and kept walking to the carport trying in vain to ignore the noise, again pulling Jeremy to walk, briskly now, to the carport.

He was just about to unlock the car when an ambulance sped past the house in the same direction as the others James felt more than saw Jeremy race past him and into the driveway towards the road. 

“Jeremy wait!! Let me get the car! You don’t know that’s for him!” James yelled as he chased Jeremy down the driveway.  
He only had to run a few hundred feet when he found Jeremy, he was standing just past the corner where the driveway met the road, frozen. 

James turned to look at what he’d seen and froze himself. There was Richard, pushing his bike down the road, not at the scene of some horrible accident. He looked small and vulnerable against the machine that weighed more than the man struggling to hold it. 

He stopped dead as he stared at them, standing in the rain, bathed by the street light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little lost in the storm and story BUT, here's chapter 3. Please let me know what you think, we're in angstville and I'm not sure we're even coherent anymore...=o


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “For all of the nights events, he did still wanted Jeremy to accept him him back to their trio, he wanted James to approve of his being there. He wanted to be back with them and he was suddenly terrified they wouldn’t want him with them anymore. That this had been the final, terrible instance of their partnerships.
> 
> Shaking Richard’s words came out in a rushed fumble, voice hoarse and cutting the suddenly deafening silence as the rain finally started to let up.”

Richard was shivering hard as he sat on the road next to his bike. When it had broke down so had he, against the warm machine he’d sobbed until his body was soaked through, the engine had gone cold and he’d run out of tears. 

He felt numb now as he managed to stand, get the bike onto its wheels and pushed it slowly down the road on unsteady feet. As he walked with every step he was more convinced this had been his fault, that he had deserved the hit for getting in their way. After all the years of trying to bud in, of his irritable personality, of trying to interfere in the other twos friendship and its course. This had been the moment he’d stepped too far out of his role, that of the small, joke of the group.

Feeling terrible about himself, nothing but cold and having to go somewhere he walked on autopilot, not even noticing the ambulances sirens in the air, nor the lightning or rain as it pounded through the night. It wasn’t until he heard a familiar voice of James yelling up ahead that he realized where his feet had taken him. 

“Jeremy wait!! Let me get the car! You don’t know that’s for him!” 

He was jolted back to the present as he heard that voice and when he’d raised his eyes from the ground he’d been watching for miles he’d seen Jeremy’s frame standing as still as a statue.

Now as the man’s eyes met his he looked as broken as Richard felt. In the light from the street corner he could see Jeremy’s face was a mix of shock, relief, shame and self loathing. Richard wasn’t expecting that and it left him unsure what to do, what would happen next.

“I…….didn’t have anywhere else to go…” he said before he could stop himself, not wanting them to think he’d expected to be back, expected to be accepted by them.

Neither Jeremy or James seemed to respond to this, James’s face still masked in the shadows so that Richard wasn’t sure what the man’s opinion was, Richard felt his heart hurt as his chest tighten. 

For all of the nights events, he did still wanted Jeremy to accept him him back to their trio, he wanted James to approve of his being there. He wanted to be back with them and he was suddenly terrified they wouldn’t want him with them anymore. That this had been the final, terrible instance of their partnerships.

Shaking Richard’s words came out in a rushed fumble, voice hoarse and cutting the suddenly deafening silence as the rain finally started to let up. 

“Look I’m… I shouldn’t have tried to interfere...I mean I know that I’m annoying and you can’t stand me at times, most times, but I...I’ll stay out of the way...I’ll..or if you want me to..go..but I know it was my f-“

He looked up to apologize but instead of angry, dismissive expressions but he only saw a flash of what he surmised to be Jeremy who closed the gap between them and yanked him into a almost crushing full bodied embrace. 

Richards numb mind couldn’t process what was happening other than how hard the older man was shaking as he held him, very firmly but not roughly in a protective embrace. The same person who he thought was done with him, who he thought he’d angered so much...wasn’t he angry?

Above him he heard and felt the sobs wrecking Jeremy as he struggle to talk.  
“Forgive me Hammond...Oh god, thank god I thought you were, the ambulances!..dear, sweet Hammond…” he tucked his frame down and squeezed the smaller man. “I’ve never done anything as unforgettable as tonight, I’m so sorry Richard, forgive me, forgive me…”

As he was held tightly by Jeremy, he was clutched in a hug that could only be described as desperate that confused Richard all the more. He didn’t understand…he’d said that he knew that he’d deserved it…

“But it was my fault! I’m always in the way, trying to fix things and annoying you two! By all rights I actually deserved it!” Richard told Jeremy, 

“You’re wrong..” A small and oddly vulnerable sounding voice said from their right. 

James stood a few feet away, arms wrapped around himself in the cold as he watched them from afar, wanting to be closer but unable to make himself move.

Hearings those words, hearing Richard thinking that about himself, about their friendship and his right to be there had been so wrong to James’s ears.  
As soon as Richard started to apologize it broke what little resolve and control that James had managed to death grip that evening, the wall he’d made against his emotions crumbled down around him.

As James stepped towards them they could see the tears on his face mixing with the rain dripping from his hair. He was crying, something neither of Jeremy nor Richard had seen many times in their long past together. He seemed so lost as he hesitated before raising his hand and pulling Richard out of Jeremy’s arms who hesitantly released him after a moment, and into his own arms. He held Richard’s smaller frame in a hug that was no less desperate, but different in its firm grip. Instead of holding him like Jeremy had, no hesitation and like he’d been trying to keep him there, like Richard was a lifeline, no James was different.

James held him now with the unsureness that Richard himself had felt earlier. Like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to be there, like Richard was someone precious that James treasured who would shove him away in a moment.

“Richard...Jeremy and I have our own issues..and we use each other, we shouldn’t but we do..and tonight wasn’t…” James said in a hollow voice, swallowing hard and he continued.

“Don’t ever say that Hammond, please you’re too precious, too kind to ever think that...I will never forgive myself for making you think that you don’t deserve to be here, that you you’d ever deserve anything but kindness. That you deserved to be hit Hammo..” Unable to speak anymore and yet still better with words than Jeremy ever was, James tucked his face down to Richard’s height and pressed his nose into his wet hair.

Beside them James heard Jeremy moved closer and then he and Richard felt Jeremy snake his long arms around both of them in a protective shroud, and his added his voice again to James’s pleas.

“Please Richard don’t leave, I’ve used you both for so many years, so many bad days taken out on you knowing you’ll be there…Rich, forgive me..” At these words Richard buried his face in James’s shoulder and couldn’t stop the short, sobbing breaths that were starting to wrack his frame but they just kept pleading “Forgive me.”, “I’ll get help, someone.”, “Hammo...please..” and variations of “Don’t leave us..” as they stood in a dark street huddled together.

Richard wasn’t able to speak, being held by both of them, their reaction had blown his throbbing, confused mind and right now it was all he could do to stay standing as their words of regret and love washed over him.

He never thought he would’ve been able to make either of them so upset, he wouldn’t have believed the idea of him leaving would make James May weep and clutch him so, or make Jeremy endlessly beg for forgiveness and him to stay as he promised he’d never hurt either of them and would get help. He understood after awhile, they made sure he did, that he was not to blame for the nights events, or any argument before that. He felt far less upset and was glad he had returned after fleeing.

Nodding Richard managed to swallow and speak enough to say “I’ll stay...I forgive you both, always will.” He swallow thickly again and finished with. “Please...don’t ever hurt each other like that again…I just can’t take it..I couldn’t just sit by and watch...”   
Above and around him Richard felt James and Jeremy nodded fervently, unable to speak after Richards words, nothing would be enough.

With their tears subsiding and the rain gone they all suddenly felt the cold not knowing how long they’d stood there.

Richard felt absolutely drained, even lightheaded. He wanted desperately to be inside the house again and be warm with his two mates. James as always seemed to read his mind and loosened his arms to allow the smaller man to pull away. 

When he and Jeremy parted from Richard his frame swayed from the sudden loss of support and his knees buckled. He would have fallen if not for James catching him and holding him up.  
“Richard? You ok mate?” He asked worriedly, holding his friends weight by his waist as Richard just nodded weakly and said “Inside, cold…hurts.”.

Jeremy nodded and bend down to his eye level.  
“May I carry you Hammo?” He asked, voice temid.  
Richard nodded weakly after a moment and Jeremy moved to pick him up in a modified bridal. Richard suddenly blushed at both the position as well as the tenderness that he’d been picked up with.  
He tucked his bruised face into Jeremy’s shoulder, trying to convey that he didn’t hurt that badly, his trust in the action and mainly the man performing it.   
A silent apology of his own at his earlier reaction to the hit, something that had been justified, but certainly hadn’t helped the situation and had most certainly hurt Jeremy.

Now as he was carried inside he heard his bike being pushed carefully into the garage by James and let his eyes slip shut, his body might be hurting now, but at least his heart wasn’t anymore. 

 

~~~End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me, angst attack over. =\ wish I was better at comfort, if anyone wants to write a comfort sequel I would die lol 
> 
> Lotsa love all, thanks lil_aussie_girl for all the support!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again! Send me ideas!


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